Friday, 12 June 2015

Dec 2013, vs June 12 2015

It's been a journey. For real. It's not perfect. In fact it's a keloid scar. That is a raised scar that doesn't heal well. It used to be embarrassing. But now I'm starting to show it as part of my battle scars. �� maybe one day I will do something, if it's not too compromising. But for now it's me. Sometimes it's a reminder that one day a while ago, I almost had a son and lost him. ����. As part of my journey of loosing my son to placenta previa complete, I had to show my scars to you out there. More information to help you. It was only after the operation that the dr informed me that if he knew it would be keloid he could have done something different to prevent it. So ensure they give you the facts. Anyway,  Love and light ��

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Sunday, 14 December 2014

One year

Loss: failure to keep or to continue to have something

: the experience of having something taken from you or destroyed

I can truly say I have loss. I failed to keep something. I tried so hard to keep my child. I truly feel something has been taken or destroyed. 

I can say time heals. But I know the hole where he is supposed to be in my heart will never be filled. I still cry sometimes. From nowhere. Baby showers and births are hard for me sometimes. I'm happy for the mother. I'm just sad for me. 

I live a good life. I'm grateful that I have life. A great family and that God spared me to be able to spend my days with them. 

I think it's too soon to understand what the plan is for me. I believe in the word :" God turns all things to good for those who love him and are called according to His purpose."

It's not easy. I miss my child. I wined how he would have looked. What eye colour he would've had. His smile and what would have made him laugh. I crave for my son to be here with us. 

Loss is not easy to understand. It's not easy to go through. But that's just it, we have to go through it, and in the best we we know how. No one can tell you how. 

My son Cayde, today on the anniversary of your loss, I want to tell you I miss u. I love you and wish you were here. I pray God restores us 100 times more for what we have lost. Take care Cayde Christian. Today I celebrate you. 

Sunday, 7 December 2014


Hey Cayde Christian. I'm thinking about you a lot at this time of year nearing the time I lost you. I love you. Kisses and hugs son 


Heaven Lyrics

I fought for you
The hardest, it made me the strongest
So tell me your secrets
I just can't stand to see you leaving
But heaven couldn't wait for you
No heaven couldn't wait for you
Heaven couldn't wait for you
No heaven couldn't wait for you
So go on, go home
We laughed at the darkness
So scared that we lost it
We stood on the ceilings
You showed me love was all you needed
Heaven couldn't wait for you
Heaven couldn't wait for you
Heaven couldn't wait for you
No heaven couldn't wait for you
No heaven couldn't wait for you, no
Heaven couldn't wait for you
No heaven couldn't wait for you, oh
Heaven couldn't wait for you
So go on, go home

Read more: Beyonce - Heaven Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Friday, 12 September 2014

What NOT to say to someone who has lost a baby

I found a blog. So important. So true. What you should and shouldn't say to a couple who have lost a baby. I wish people around me could have read and can now read this.

Saturday, 9 August 2014

Meet you in my dreams

My son I cried for you today but only for a while. 
Must stop, must wipe away my tears, must hide behind my smile
People will not understand, they'll never feel my pain
No one knows what it feels like to not see you again
Must work, must cook, must wash my hair
Must live,but live without you there 
No time to think, no moment spared
No memories, no feelings shared
No one will know how I must feel
No one can say how I must heal
No time to think I'm rambling on
No time to think about my son
Be the boss, be mom, be the loving wife
Wheres time to mourn about your life
But look the moon comes drawing near, 
It's time! My time is finally here!
Sleep tight, I tuck my kids in bed
I say a prayer, I clear my head
My time is here,nighttime has come
It's time to dream about my son