Thursday, 27 February 2014


So smart phones are awesome these days. You can download pregnancy apps to guide you through. So today as I reach 34 weeks I get a reminder from My Pregnancy.

Fatigue has probably set in again, though maybe not with the same coma-like intensity of the first trimester.
Now's the time to slow down and save up your energy for labour day.

Well, today, without my son... how do I feel. I have fatigue... A lot of fatigue. A lot of sleepless nights and dark circles under my eyes. Today I have a lot of tears.

Slow down and save my energy for labour day? Well, today would have been my labour day. My Dr told me if we could push to 34 weeks, that would be great and we can do a C-section week 34. So since its week 34, and exactly on Thursdays when he does his C-sections, today I would have held my boy in my arms. I can almost feel him and see him in my minds eye. (Teary eyed)

I need a place to vent, to cry, to be supported, to talk to those who have been through what I have. Today I cant be the strong woman everyone knows me to be. Just for today, can I be a mourning mother for a son I lost? The Bible says blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. Today I would have had a son. 27 Feb 2014.

I had a son...
I had a son but I will never see him smile
I had a son, but will never hear his voice
I had a son I can never sing "You are my Sunshine to"
I had a son I can never tell "Stop teasing your sisters"
I had a son, he can never put his face by mine and tell me wake up mom
I had a son who will never tell me he loves me
I had a son who will never, never know how much I love him

But... I had a son... I had a son
His name was Cayde

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