Wow its been a while. I'm back on the 14th of December... 2018. This is the day 5 years ago I almost died and I did loose my son at 5 months to Complete Placenta Previa. A condition I had never heard of until is happened to me and BAD.
I have 3 kids now. My son from a surrogate is 2 years old now. He is wonderful and beautiful. Today I really don't feel as sad.
I was teary eyed this morning only. A Pastor Thurston Meyer came to work to preach. He spoke about standing in the gap and praying for others. I recalled how 5 years ago my family and friends stood in the gap for me and prayed for me to stay alive. So here I am, alive and well.
So since 2014, I started boxing and gyming, getting healthy and eating better. I still have a scar from navel to pubic bone, but its much better now.
I love being fitter and healthier and even though I complain about my body often, I have done quite well.
Life always has its ups and downs but I count my blessings often. I am blessed and blessed to be a mother to my 3 great kids.
People are asking me how I feel today on the anniversary of my child's death, and Im really fine. 5 years have past and time heals, but Im restored, grateful and loved.
We all go through these trials you know. Some more difficult than others.
I remember my cousin told me about this movie, about the beginning showing this object and you cant make out what it is. Is it s rock, a meteor, what is it? You just cant make it out. Then the camera zooms out and you see its actually a nut. What is the moral of my story...
Well sometimes when you are in a situation, you cannot understand why you are going through something and its only once you are away or been through the situation that you find perspective in it, that you see why you went through what you did once you are on the other side.
Today, I wrote on a mother blog as a guest blogger. I used what I had been though to help other out there, and that in itself reminds me that:
God turns all things good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose.
If you could see into the future the past would be so much brighter...
We never know what's coming, thus pain is a real part of our lives. I have been receiving memory notifications from facebook of people in 2013 sending me sympathy messages for the loss of my boy. Every time I am reminded, or each time I speak about it there is a sadness. It's more a trigger from habitual sadness because that's what happens from time passing mixed with grief and loss.
A part of me will always have that small tinge of sadness and that dreadful pain from trauma I once felt.
"faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see."
This verse is so profound. All I could think is how God could restore me. How he is such a miraculous God of impossiblities. He is bigger than the entire universe, 🌎 and me... barely a spec of dust in his wondrous Kingdom. But He loves me more than anything. If he is larger than the Universe, and I wanted another baby, surely in my eyes it's the largest thing in the world, but for my God it's as easy as a blink of His eye.
How grateful I am that I held on to the chance that I could have restoration. Here I am... 14 December 2016.
I know I have lost and in that I will always have that and always feel a slight pain, but on this day... in this moment... Restoration feels so damn good!!!!
As I look into the eyes of my new little baby... my son Caleb, I see Gods work in my life and I am comforted, happy, in love, at peace, restored... and it feels so damn good.
Once upon a time I lost a son and my heart was broken into a million pieces. I had a big dark gaping hole in my chest where his memory was. But now... I have rainbow coloured love oozing from my chest and my heart is blossoming with the most beautiful flowers you have ever seen.
I have a son... his name is Caleb. He makes my heart smile....... Oh boy.... Restoration feels so damn good ❤️❤️❤️❤️💝💝💝💝🌺🌺🌺 🌈 🌈
Where do I begin after all this heartache. So many posts of loss and sadness. But I think somewhere in all those posts was HOPE. I never lost hope in Gods plan for my family.
I remember from the first moment they took my son from my arms, lifeless, I knew I still wanted to have another child. But if you're following my blog, you will remember that I had a hysterectomy. I remember the most important thing I wanted to know from my Dr is whether I still had my ovaries. I wasn't sure what I was going to do and where to start, but I just wanted to try again... With a surrogate.
My Dr was so negative telling me having another child would not replace the void in my heart. I didn't want his judgement though because he didn't understand.
I wanted to grow my family and I had faith that anything is possible and my destiny is as limited as my mind chose to be.
In no way could I ever replace my son Cayde, and that was never my intention. But I heard from so many women that the emptiness they felt in their hearts when they lost a child, diminished significantly when they had another child. So if they could have the chance to have another child, why couldn't I?
I must say that it wasn't easy. The process of surrogacy is not easy. You need a lawyer and a someone really selfless that would give up their time & bodies to help you. It took a long time and a lot of wrong roads. Until finally someone right under my nose offered to be my Surrogate. I kept telling her that she didn't realize the sacrifice and I kept brushing her off. But she would keep offering to be my surrogate. One day she asked if I was ready and I asked if she was and finally decided to go ahead. It was a long road to get a lawyer Adelle Van Der Walt who specializes in surrogacy agreements to get a court order approved from the high court. Only once that was done, could we start the fertility process.
My surrogate was awesome. She was easy and chilled. Finally on the second attempt she was pregnant. January 2016. After 3 years of pain.
It hasn't been an easy road. But it's finally here. I'm expecting a son. My own flesh and blood!!! I can feel the sadness melt away. In no way is this a replacement for my son who died. But that life has been restored to a dead situation🌺
I am in awe of God and that His promises are yes and Amen! Since December 2013 when I lost my son a verse sticks in my mind daily:
Faith is bein sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see.
How profound is this verse which encouraged me daily to keep trusting the God of miracles. The God who let manner rain from the Heavens and opened the Red Sea for His people to walk through it.
In no way am I a great Christian. I fall short every day. I'm an average woman...with Faith. I believe in a God that does impossible things and that's what he did for me... Gave a baron woman the chance to fulfil her plan for a bigger family.
I have no idea where the road leads and what the future holds for me. I know I will be ridiculed and some may think this is taboo, but I know that the joy and love I will feel for this little human when I hold him in my arms will surpass anything the world throws.
So where ever the road my lead and whatever path I take I pray God will continue to guide me and I thank him for restoring me and my family in Jesus name.
My blog is my heart and expressed all I went though as a mom who lost her son. I wanted people to know what I went though so in anyway even if I helped one person, my blog would be worth it.
So I truly hope even in the smallest way I helped someone out there wherever you may be.
Although for me this is the end of a chapter... It is also just the beginning of a brand new chapter... ☺️🌺
If today were 14 December 2013, I would be wheeled into theatre about 5am. I would turn to the nurse and plead that she gives my child steroids so his organs can be boosted and his chances to live would be increased. She would tell me that he is only 23 and a half weeks and that they don't do that not resuscitate kids at that age.
If today were 14 December 2013, I would pray Psalm 91 until the meds kick in to put me to sleep. ...A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
If today were 14 December 2013, I would wake up in ICU, I would be stitched from navel to pubic bone. I would have a waste pipe near my groin. I would have a pipe in my neck leading straight to my heart. I would be on a Morphine drip.
If today were 14 December 2013, I would open my eyes, I would turn to my husband and ask if my son was alive. My husband would say no, and I tears would fall down my face. Well that's how I can remember it. I don't remember too much due to the trauma and Morphine. Too high to realize just how bad the situation is at that moment.
If today were 14 December 2013, I would ask to see my son. The nurse would bring him wrapped in an old white plastic cloth, still covered in dry blood, unwashed, uncared for. She would lay him on my tummy left to right. He lay there with his hands in fists under his chin, his legs bent as if he were praying... My little Angel. I would take my trembling hands and brush his face with my fingers. I would say he had a bit of both my kids in him. I would say how beautiful he is. Tears would flow, but with a smile on my face. I would hear my brother and my husband cry behind me.The nurse would call other nurses to say how big he is, bigger than his age, and then... not even too much longer she would say they are understaffed and she needs to go back to Maternity Ward and take him away, and she takes him away and I will never see him again, and I would continue to fight for my life...
If this were 14 December 2014, I would wake up on an ice cold New York Morning, with the ice and city lights out my window. I would get dressed to go to one of the biggest churches in the world Hillsongs Church New York. I would be excited and sad in one. We walk about 10 blocks, my husband & I and we go in. I feel like I'm at a concert of an idol,and I'm taking pictures and video and smiling. I'm there to celebrate my life and celebrate my son. I'm there to praise a God in one of the best churches and I feel like a kid & Im proud that Jesus Christ can do that. I thank God that Im alive to experience Hillsongs and I'm in New York and Im seeking myself up for my idol, Mariah Carey's whose Christmas concert is the next day. I thank God that although Im going through grief, I am happy and smiling, and living and seeing things so wonderful that I may not have had the chance to see... Did I mention Im from South Africa, so I was over excited for being in the States. Being at Hillsongs Church.
I stand in awe praising God through song, and I hear a song that Hillsongs have not yet even released. Im so taken by the words, and up until today, 14th December 2015, I wait for Hillsongs to release this beautiful song...
From rising sun till Kingdom come
Your faithful love is unfailing
Though shadows turn and tempests stir
Still You oh God are unchanging
Through every hour
I will recall
All my hope is Jesus
Great is Your faithfulness
Great is Your faithfulness
I lift my eyes I won’t forget
How great Your faithfulness
When battle’s near I will not fear
Your promises are unshaken
My faith is sure of nothing more
Than Christ alone my portion
There’ll be a season
For joy and weeping
In everything our God is faithful
His arms are open
I will come running
Now and always our God is faithful
How absolutely appropriate for God to allow me to hear those words in a new song specially just written for Hillsongs, and not even released yet, and my small ears get to hear this comforting words as I lift my eyes to the Heavens, I feel like God sent that song written just for me and I'm comforted...
I leave there to meet my family in the City & they're in All Star sneaker store, and I get big hugs from them, and then I shop, my kids want everything, but I'm happy for that because Im there to see them. I see Dash, the Kardashian store, I go to Macys, I get excited that I'm seeing Mariah Carey tomorrow for her Christmas concert, & I thank God I can live...
Today its 14 December 2015. I bravely get up for work, & I bring my 4 year old with me. I get in my car and my favourite singer... Mariah Carey is playing in the radio. (In case you didn't pick that up yet. LOL) 4 songs before work... I'm excited, she's coming to South Africa 2016. I whatsapp my brother excitedly and tell him he better book for us. So exciting!!! Then, I reach work and Im fine... and then... I'm not. I cry for a while on my youngest brothers shoulders, but then I wipe my tears, & I go on with work to distract me. I have lunch with my other brother & we talk about general things. My daughter falls asleep and I get to write this on my blog. You see I'm taking my child to the neurologist. She goes for 3 monthly check ups. She's a normal beautiful little girl who just so happened to have some seizures starting from the same time I was pregnant and had Placenta Previa. I guess why I'm telling you this only now is to show you, that life is never easy. If it wasn't easy back then, if I wasn't in the hospital with my bad Placenta Previa, she was in the hospital with seizures. But such is life.You have good times and bad, sad times and happy times. I can say so much to you about what I have been though, and I will probably still later on as I blog, but there is a saying I love:
“Better to lose count while naming your blessings than to lose your blessings to counting your troubles.”
So I close off today, its 1:55pm, but I have the rest of the day left, and it may be ok, or it may not be. I may laugh, I may cry.But I'm fine with it, either way. At least I can admit to dealing with my grief in my time & in my way. I don't need to hide it, even if people don't understand. Lets see how the rest of the day goes. But as I hear my 4 year old sing behind me, the song boom clap the weird song by Charlie xcx... I know that I am blessed.
Light & love people
So this time of year I feel more. I remember more. I miss my son more. 2 more days to the 2nd anniversary of my loss. I cannot express more how blessed I am. I have a good life and a great family. I have 2 kids. I laugh. I love. I live. I travel. Then I have a moment. Anything can trigger it. Then I cry. There's a sadness in my heart. Then the moment passes. Then I am ok again. Back to a good blessed life. The thing with grief is we don't understand much of it. There's no set time frame that grief has. There's no formula you can follow. But the fact that it's a moment I have and it passes and I can live a good life is a good sign. I continue to have faith in my God of impossibilities.
When you loose a child by miscarriage, interrupted pregnancy or stillbirth people don't always allow you to speak about it too much and don't support you through your pain. If a family member passes and you talk about that person, it's ok. You can cry for a long time, its ok.You can speak about a memory you have. But when you talk about this child that no one knows but you, there's this taboo, this awkwardness. They expect you to get over it. So you just keep it to yourself. You see unless someone has lost a child themselves only then can they understand. The fact is,you do know that child. From the time God formed him/her in your womb. You know that child. You bond with that child. You had hopes and dreams for that child.
Sometimes I wish people spoke more about their loss instead of keeping it inside. I read about a lady who was balling her eyes out 30 years and 2 sons later. She said from the day she left the hospital her and her husband didn't utter a word about the son they lost. She said her sons don't even know they had a brother. ( From the book: I Will Carry You by Angie Smith)
How can we heal if we don't talk.
Some people ask if I will try to have a child again. Sometimes I say yes I will. Sometimes, if I'm up to it, I will tell them I had a hysterectomy. But saying that, people pity me more. Which I don't like, so I prefer to say the former.But the fact of the matter is, I did have a hysterectomy. So I mourn that too. The fact that other ladies, if they wanted to, could try again... But not me. So I mourn for 2 losses. My womb and my son. I know I will continue to have my moments, and I must say I appreciate them. I don't mind them at all. Sad or not, because it's a reminder that sometime not too long ago I had a son named Cayde.
When I lost my son, my sister in law brought me a book. On each page it has the Hebrews verse :" Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see". From that day, up until this day 12/12/15, this verse remains ingrained in my mind. I will always believe in more than I can see and touch. Trusting in His plan for my life. I know it's one to glorify His name.
I continue to know that his promises remain yes and Amen.
It's been a journey. For real. It's not perfect. In fact it's a keloid scar. That is a raised scar that doesn't heal well. It used to be embarrassing. But now I'm starting to show it as part of my battle scars. 😜 maybe one day I will do something, if it's not too compromising. But for now it's me. Sometimes it's a reminder that one day a while ago, I almost had a son and lost him. 😥💜. As part of my journey of loosing my son to placenta previa complete, I had to show my scars to you out there. More information to help you. It was only after the operation that the dr informed me that if he knew it would be keloid he could have done something different to prevent it. So ensure they give you the facts. Anyway, Love and light 🌺
Today I came across this post. Its about people putting their wedding dresses to good use. Using it to make burial gowns for babies who pass. Its a weird and sad thing for me though. But may be helpful for someone out there
Loss: failure to keep or to continue to have something
: the experience of having something taken from you or destroyed
I can truly say I have loss. I failed to keep something. I tried so hard to keep my child. I truly feel something has been taken or destroyed.
I can say time heals. But I know the hole where he is supposed to be in my heart will never be filled. I still cry sometimes. From nowhere. Baby showers and births are hard for me sometimes. I'm happy for the mother. I'm just sad for me.
I live a good life. I'm grateful that I have life. A great family and that God spared me to be able to spend my days with them.
I think it's too soon to understand what the plan is for me. I believe in the word :" God turns all things to good for those who love him and are called according to His purpose."
It's not easy. I miss my child. I wonder how he would have looked. What eye colour he would've had. His smile and what would have made him laugh. I crave for my son to be here with us.
Loss is not easy to understand. It's not easy to go through. But that's just it, we have to go through it, and in the best way we know how. No one can tell you how.
My son Cayde, today on the anniversary me loosing you, I want to tell you I miss u. I love you and wish you were here. I pray God restores us 100 times more for what we have lost. Take care Cayde Christian. Today I celebrate you.
I fought for you
The hardest, it made me the strongest
So tell me your secrets
I just can't stand to see you leaving
But heaven couldn't wait for you
No heaven couldn't wait for you
Heaven couldn't wait for you
No heaven couldn't wait for you
So go on, go home
We laughed at the darkness
So scared that we lost it
We stood on the ceilings
You showed me love was all you needed
Heaven couldn't wait for you
Heaven couldn't wait for you
Heaven couldn't wait for you
No heaven couldn't wait for you
No heaven couldn't wait for you, no
Heaven couldn't wait for you
No heaven couldn't wait for you, oh
Heaven couldn't wait for you
So go on, go home
I found a blog. So important. So true. What you should and shouldn't say to a couple who have lost a baby. I wish people around me could have read and can now read this.
Last year September I was booked for my birthday at the Mazlow in Sandton, johannesburg. A very modern and fancy hotel and Africology spa. I had just come out of hospital with bleeding and since the doctor said the bleeding was going to happen, I figured I booked the hotel, so I may as well rest there then home. On my way I started bleeding uncontrollably. Clots the size of baseballs. We stopped on the road to call the dr and dr said it's fine... Fine? Well he said if it's life threatening I should come back. Seemed pretty life threatening to me. But I guess that's what happens with complete placenta previa. It was so awkward and embarrassing. I remember we had to stop at fourways mall. Cover myself with a jacket. I was so embarrassed. I got a pants at woolworths and walked fast to the rest room. As I sat, more baseball sized clots... I sat for a while until I could move again. It felt like we were taking forever to reach the hotel.
I walked in the Mazlow with my head high. My face pale. I smiled as if I'm happy and prayed our check in would go smoothly. It's funny how we can just smile and no one knows what you are actually going through.
I spent the weekend in bed at the hotel. Atleast I had a chance to have a facial at the Africology spa in the hotel. It was a bit awkward, but I just needed to be at a place of peace. By this time too, the bleeding had subsided. I was just overwhelmed and sad at the circumstance.
This weekend that past, Father's Day June 14,we booked at the same place. I didn't know how I would feel. I walked in the room and felt a sad familiarity. I remembered the shower. I remember the bath my husband soaked my pants in. I remembered the bed I layed in to recover.
Then I remembered my son died. I wanted to go back to that sad September day. The day my sons heart still beat in my womb.
But I took the weekend to make good memories rather. I had myself a full body massage at the wonderful Africology spa. Spent time with my husband and kids.
I smiled. This time not pretending to he happy. Just... Being happy. Appreciating life and family.
I went to a funeral last Saturday of a good man. It was so nice, his 5 kids sang as a dedication to him. I haven't seen that before. A really beautiful celebration of his life. It was special and difficult for me as the same time. It brought back pain and sadness I had been holding on to. I guess I will always have those moments. But... I'm so blessed that those moments are just that... Moments, and then God strengthens me again and I can move on and be happy again
The Pastor had a short and sweet message and spoke about a man that lost so much, then wrote a song during the loss. I decided to research it and found his story:
This story touched my heart so much, because I lost my son. Because I could have been worse than what I am right now. Because I could have gone the other way. I could have mourned as someone without HOPE. I could have been depressed. I could have given up. But I'm so so so thankful today to say that even though my ship sails through storms, even though I mourn, even though I lost my son, a part of me... Thank God IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL.
Horatio G. Spafford: The Story Behind the Hymn "It is Well with My Soul"
In the late 1860s life was good for Horatio G. Spafford and his wife Anna. They were living in a north side suburb of Chicago with their five children, Annie, Maggie, Bessie, Tanetta and Horatio, Jr. He had a successful law practice in Chicago. The doors of the Spaffords' home were always open as a place for activists to meet during the reform movements of the time. Horatio G. Spafford was quite active in the abolitionist movement. Frances E. Willard, president of the National Women's Christian Temperance Union as well as evangelical leaders like Dwight L. Moody were often guests in their home. Spafford was a Presbyterian church elder and a dedicated Christian. Until now Horatio and Anna Spafford had led a charmed life. They had everything going their way. However, in 1870 their faith was tested by tragedy. Their four year old son, Horatio, Jr., died of scarlet fever. The Spaffords were devastated. In October of 1871 when the Great Chicago Fire broke out Horatio faced another test of his faith. A few months before the Great Chicago Fire, Spafford being a wealthy man, had invested much of his wealth in real estate by the shore of Lake Michigan. Not only did the Great Chicago Fire destroy most of Chicago but most of Spafford's holdings were destroyed. 250 people died in the Great Chicago Fire and 90,000 were left homeless.
The Spaffords did not despair. Their home had been spared and they had their family. God had been good. Even though their finances were mostly depleted, Anna and Horatio used what resources they had left to feed the hungry, help the homeless, care for the sick and injured and comfort their grief stricken neighbors. The Great Chicago Fire was a great American tragedy; the Spaffords used it to show the love of the Christ to those in need.
In 1873 Anna Spafford's health was failing and hoping to put behind the tragic loss of their son and the fire and to benefit Anna's health, the Spaffords planned a trip to Europe. They would sail on the French steamer Ville du Havre to Europe with their four daughters. Spafford not only wanted to visit Europe but he wanted to assist Evangelists Dwight L. Moody and Ira D. Sankey in a revival they were conducting in England.
Moody and Sankey had met at a convention of the Young Men's Christian Association in Indianapolis in 1870. After hearing Sankey sing, Moody at once invited him to come to Chicago and assist him in his evangelist work there. Ira D. Sankey considered Moody's invitation and after much thought and prayer, decided to accept. Six months later he joined Moody in Chicago.
Dwight L. Moody and Ira Sankey were in the middle of a revival meeting when the Great Chicago Fire broke out in 1871. Moody and Sankey barely escaped Chicago with their lives. It is said that Sankey was on a row boat a long distance out in Lake Michigan where he watched as Chicago burned. With most of Chicago having been destroyed, Moody and Sankey decided to accept an invitation to visit England. In 1873 Moody and Sankey started a work in England. Moody and Sankey made such a profound impression in England their names became household words all over Europe.
The Spaffords planed to leave in November on their voyage to Europe. As sometimes happens, God had other plans for Horatio G. Spafford. The day they were to sail for Europe Spafford had a business emergency and could not leave. Not wanting to disappoint his wife Anna and their daughters he sent them on ahead and planned to follow on another ship in a few days. Accompanying Anna Spafford were her French governess, Emma Lorriaux, several friends and several ministers.
On November 22, 1873 the steamer Ville du Havre was struck by a British iron sailing ship, the Lockhearn. The steamer Ville du Havre, with Anna Spafford and her daughters aboard, sank within twelve minutes in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Only 81 of the 307 passengers and crew members survived this tragic shipwreck.
Even though the Lockhearn was in danger of sinking the unconscious Anna Spafford was picked up from floating debris by the crew of the Lockhearn. An American cargo sailing vessel, the Trimountain, arrived in time to save the survivors of the Ville du Havre and the Lockhearn. Anna Spafford was taken to Cardiff, Wales where she telegraphed her husband Horatio. Anna's cable was brief and heartbreaking, "Saved alone. What shall I do..." Horatio and Anna's four daughters had drowned. As soon as he received Anna's telegram, Horatio left Chicago without delay to bring his wife home. Sailing across the Atlantic Ocean the captain of the ship called Horatio to the bridge. He informed Horatio that "A careful reckoning has been made and I believe we are now passing the place where the Ville du Havre was wrecked. The water is three miles deep." That night, alone in his cabin Horatio G. Spafford penned the words to his famous hymn, "It Is Well With My Soul." Horatio's faith in God never faltered. He later wrote Anna's half-sister, "On Thursday last we passed over the spot where she went down, in mid-ocean, the waters three miles deep. But I do not think of our dear ones there. They are safe, folded, the dear lambs."
The following account is taken from the Christian History Institute.
"Anna Spafford later spoke of being sucked violently downward. Baby Tanetta was torn from her arms by a collision with some heavy debris, with a blow so violent that Anna's arm was severely bruised. She flailed at the water trying to catch her baby. Anna caught Tanetta's gown for just a moment before another smashing blow tore the little girl out of her arms forever. Reaching out again, all she could find was a man's leg in corduroy trousers. Anna, barely conscious, was then swirled about in a whirlpool before surfacing near the Loch Earn. She instinctively clung on to a small plank and the next thing she recalled was the splash of an oar as she lay at the bottom of a small boat. Bruised and sick, her long hair was matted with salt and her dressing gown shredded. But the pain in her body was nothing compared to the pain in her heart as she realized that her four daughters had been lost in the disaster. A young male passenger, afloat on a piece of wood, came upon Maggie and Annie, the two oldest Spafford children. At his direction, each girl grasped one of his side pockets as he tried to find a board large enough to support all three of them. After about 30 or 40 minutes in the water, he found a piece of wreckage and struggled to help the two young girls climb atop the board. But as he watched, their weary arms weakened, and he saw their eyes close. Their lifeless forms floated away from his own fatigue-paralyzed arms. No clues ever surfaced about the fate of little Bessie."
After Anna was rescued, Pastor Nathaniel Weiss, one of the ministers traveling with Anna and Horatio's group remembered hearing Anna say, "God gave me four daughters. Now they have been taken from me. Someday I will understand why." Anna was utterly devastated. Many of the survivors watched Anna closely, fearing she may try to take her life. In her grief and despair, Anna heard a soft voice speaking to her, "You were saved for a purpose!" It was then Anna remembered something a friend had once said, "It's easy to be grateful and good when you have so much, but take care that you are not a fair-weather friend to God."
Following their reunion in Europe, Horatio and Anna returned to Chicago to begin their lives again. God blessed Anna and Horatio with three children. They had a son in 1876, again called "Horatio." Not so much for his father but for their lost son. In 1878 their daughter Bertha was born. Tragically, when little Horatio reached the age of 4 just as his brother before him, he died from scarlet fever. In 1880 Anna and Horatio had another daughter they called Grace. After the loss of little Horatio, the Spaffords decided to leave their home in America and settle in Jerusalem. In September of 1881 the Spaffords and a few of their friends left America for Israel.
The group settled in the old part of Jerusalem and started a work which later became known as the "American Colony." There they served the needy, helped the poor, cared for the sick and took in homeless children. Their only cause was to show those living about them the love of Jesus. Swedish novelist Selma Ottiliana Lovisa Lagerlõf wrote of this colony of Christians in her two volume Nobel Prize winning work "Jerusalem."
A Christian historian wrote of Anna and Horatio: "Moved by a series of profound tragic losses, Chicago natives Anna and Horatio Spafford led a small American contingent in 1881 to Jerusalem to form a Christian utopian society known as the 'American Colony.'"
Bertha Spafford Vester, wrote the following in her book "Our Jerusalem."
"In Chicago, Father searched his life for explanation. Until now, it had flowed gently as a river. Spiritual peace and worldly security had sustained his early years, his family life and his home....... All around him people were asking the unvoiced question; 'What guilt had brought this sweeping tragedy to Anna and Hoaratio Spafford?'.... Father became convinced that God was kind and that he would see his children again in heaven. This thought calmed his heart, but it was to bring Father into open conflict with what was then the Christian world.... To Father, this was a passing through the "valley of the shadow of death," but his faith came through triumphant and strong. On the high seas, near the place where his children perished, he wrote the hymn that was to give comfort to so many:"
It Is Well With My Soul
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul, It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul. (refrain)
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! (refrain)
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul.
It is well, with my soul, It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.
In 1876 P.P. Bliss put Horatio Spafford's words to music. This hymn is still sung in Protestant churches today. "It Is Well With My Soul" was first sung in public by P.P. Bliss on November 24, 1876 before an assembly of ministers hosted by Dwight L. Moody in Chicago's Farewell Hall. Ironically, one month later, P.P. Bliss and his wife were killed in a horrific train wreck. It is believed that Horatio took the words "It is well" from the words of the Shunammite woman who lost her only son but was later raised from the dead by Elisha. (II Kings 4:26 )
Horatio G. Spafford was born on October 20, 1828 in Lansingburgh, New York and died of Malaria on October 16, 1888 in Jerusalem. Anna Spafford continued to work in the surrounding areas of Jerusalem until her death in 1923. The Spaffords were laid to eternal rest in Jerusalem. It can be said that "It Is Well With Their Souls."
Today I said goodbye to you I couldn't say hello. The love I felt inside my heart I guess you'll never know I fought the fight I tried my best But realized that God knows best
I seen your face, I touched your hand But now you're in Gods promised land. Your little smile I will never see But God has come to set you free
So I say farewell son, with all my love One day we'll meet in Heaven above. ...
Cayde Christian Born 14 December 2013 Died 14 December 2013
Where have I been? I feel like a year has come and gone and I don't know where I was through that year. I know I was pregnant, and Im trying to piece my life during that time. Where have I been?
Although as trauma does, I cant remember some things. Although Im still trying to piece the puzzle, one thing I can say is that Jesus has been my refuge and strength. My fortress in my time of trouble.
I cant believe its been 4 months already since my son was taken from me. Today is my due date 10 April 2014. Its obviously a sad sad day. I'm happy that God has strengthened me beyond measure and I am still able to be a good wife, mother, sister, friend, motivator etc.
I feel as if as today is the due date, its more final. I have to decide where to go from here. All I know is that God will lead and he will restore what has been lost 100 fold. That is His promise.
Having a C-section isn't something most women wish for, but it doesn't have to be a scary experience. Going into the procedure with some knowledge of what to expect helps mamas-to-be prepare for their postsurgery experience. We've rounded up some of the biggest surprises women face after leaving the operating room. Which did you experience?
Though new mamas are encouraged to get up and move as soon as possible, walking is a bit more complicated due to the catheter that is kept in for the first day.
Considering that a C-section is major abdominal surgery, it's amazing that a woman can get out of bed and go for a short walk within hours of the procedure.
In the immediate hours following surgery, as the body rids itself of the anesthesia and calms down from the procedure, many women find themselves shaking uncontrollably.
