If you could see into the future the past would be so much brighter...
We never know what's coming, thus pain is a real part of our lives. I have been receiving memory notifications from facebook of people in 2013 sending me sympathy messages for the loss of my boy. Every time I am reminded, or each time I speak about it there is a sadness. It's more a trigger from habitual sadness because that's what happens from time passing mixed with grief and loss.
A part of me will always have that small tinge of sadness and that dreadful pain from trauma I once felt.
"faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see."
This verse is so profound. All I could think is how God could restore me. How he is such a miraculous God of impossiblities. He is bigger than the entire universe, 🌎 and me... barely a spec of dust in his wondrous Kingdom. But He loves me more than anything. If he is larger than the Universe, and I wanted another baby, surely in my eyes it's the largest thing in the world, but for my God it's as easy as a blink of His eye.
How grateful I am that I held on to the chance that I could have restoration. Here I am... 14 December 2016.
I know I have lost and in that I will always have that and always feel a slight pain, but on this day... in this moment... Restoration feels so damn good!!!!
As I look into the eyes of my new little baby... my son Caleb, I see Gods work in my life and I am comforted, happy, in love, at peace, restored... and it feels so damn good.
Once upon a time I lost a son and my heart was broken into a million pieces. I had a big dark gaping hole in my chest where his memory was. But now... I have rainbow coloured love oozing from my chest and my heart is blossoming with the most beautiful flowers you have ever seen.
I have a son... his name is Caleb. He makes my heart smile....... Oh boy.... Restoration feels so damn good ❤️❤️❤️❤️💝💝💝💝🌺🌺🌺 🌈 🌈
